Konichiwa, Master!
by MrWriterWriter
Summary: Was forced to reload the story cause the second chapter wouldn't show.
1. Chapter 1

**I don't own Naruto, deal with it...**

Speech

_Thought_

**Kyuubi**

**Kami, Yami, and Shinigami.**

**Konichiwa, Master!**

Chapter 1

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Afterlife...

The final destination of all those who's time in the mortal world has come to an end. A place where those who, depending on their actions, either enjoyed time in splendor or suffered punishment for their crimes until deemed to have paid in full.

It was this part of that realm where a figure could be found looking into a pool of liquid. He stood six-foot-eight and wore a jet-black ceremonial kimono with a solid white fanged skull on the back. His pale grey hair was set in a topknot with a few loose strands draping into a face that was partially concealed by a half kabuki mask exposing only his eyes; two solid black orbs that would flicker blood red occasionally.

His name was Yami; overseer of punishments for those who performed unlawful acts in life. He was currently observing a past event he had ..and getting royally pissed.

The pool showed him images of a young boy, barely ten year old, being mercilessly beaten by a group of people, he was already curled up in a ball while close to a dozen ADULTS kicked at him like they were trying to stomp out a fire. Spiky blonde hair matted with dirt and blood, a mix of terror and pain etched on the boy's face, only to worsen as the group parted to allow a man wearing a crow mask step up armed with a katana.

"Time to send you back where you belong, demon.." The man snarled as he raised the weapon..

Before another blade emerged from his chest. This one held by another man wearing a weasel mask. The rest were quickly dispatched by him as well.

Yami watched as the man knelt down beside the boy, "Dammit! I TOLD that old man Inu-Teme couldn't be trusted to look out for you! Hang on, Naruto, I got you." 'Weasel picked the boy, doing his best to avoid worsening his injuries. The image faded with him taking the boy to get help"

**"DAMN IT ALL TO BLOOD-DRENCHED HELL!"**Yami bellowed, sending nearly every being in hearing range running for their lives, **"That's IT! I can't take this shit anymore!"** With that, the robed man vanished in a tornado of crimson fire.

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Meanwhile, in the Paradise region of the afterlife, a man was reclining in a chair with a book. Dressed in a solid white kimono, he was the same height as Yami, except he wore no mask and his white hair was pulled back in a ponytail and solid blue eyes crinkled in humor at intervals when he found something funny.

His name: Kami. Yami's brother and Caretaker of the region.

Normally, the two deities never really cared to venture into the others domain, preferring to just send messengers. Which is why Kami was rather startled to see his brother appear right in front of him..and he was NOT happy.

**"Yami, what's going on?"**It wasn't much of a surprise for his brother to be mad, especially when he was dealing with rather stubborn souls that refused to learn their lesson. However, this time the man was well and truly livid judging by the red glow of his eyes.

**"I'll tell you what's going on; I am bloody SICK AND TIRED of standing by and watching while a little kid suffers because of you and Shinigami's screw up!"**He snapped, jabbing Kami in the chest with those last few words.

**"Someone say my name?"**A raspy voice piped up followed by a whirl of black smoke. It quickly faded to reveal the skeletal form of the Shinigami.

**"Damn straight, I did! You know, I should have said this a long time time ago, But YOU.."**He glared at Kami, **"Kept telling me 'it'll all work out out in the end' Were you talking about when one of those ignorant shitheads manages to finish the poor kid!? If I knew then what I know now, I would have put my boot up your ass the MOMENT you started saying that crap!"**

He whirled around and looked Shinigami dead in the eye, making the death god gulp audiably, **"And YOU, you skeletal sunnuvabitch. This whole damn thing started because you went ahead and frikin' sealed Kyuubi into the kid, even AFTER I told you to let ME deal with it.**

**"I had to! The mortal had used the Reaper Death Seal. It was a binding contract!**

**"Oh? And how long did it take you to remember that Kyuubi is MY minion?! Or the fact that you knew DAMN WELL a genjutsu was involved!"**

**"Yami, look, I know it probably wasn't the best idea to ignore our chain of command agreement, but the fox was going berserk..."**Kami was promptly cut off by a gauntlet-clad fist being rammed into his face, **"Itai! What was that for!?"** He yelped, rubbing the knot that was already forming between his eyes.

**"For being a jackass! You've seen the kind of life the kid's had to live, all because Bonehead here had to go and do things HIS ass-backwards way! And don't think you're getting off easy, **_**Brother. **_**From day one, 1,372 assassination attempts, 1,059 beatings, 912 attempted poisonings. And you know as well as I do about the kids parents...and that nitwit Sarutobi won't even tell him!"**

**"You know he has his reasons, Yami."**Kami had a feeling he knew what his brother was about to do. Even though he was the god of life, he had taken a vow not to interfere in the mortal world, except as a last resort.

More than once, he wished his brother had taken the vow as well.

**"Bullshit! He was told to tell the kid everything and he's letting himself get cowed by those council assholes."**The next words out of his mouth made Kami regret ever considering that vow. **"I've have it with this 'observe, but never interfere' garbage, that's MY minion sealed into him; that makes this personal anyway! If you two won't do anything, I WILL!"**

**"Tell me you're not planning what I think you are.."**Shinigami started before getting his answer in the form of Yami vanishing in a whirl of fire. The remaining pair could only utter one thing:

**"Oh crud.."**

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In Konoha:

Thirteen-year-old Naruto Uzumaki lay sound asleep in his bed after wearing himself out from worrying about the next day. Tomorrow would be his third attempt at graduating from the academy, his third try at finally becoming an official ninja.

Depending on your point of view, it could've been seen as either a good or bad thing that since he was sawing logs, he never saw the black circle appear on his floor, or the large, intimidating figure emerging from said circle. The unexpected 'guest' looked at the sleeping blond for a second. He proceeded to quietly inhale and breath out a bluish-grey mist that settled over Naruto, putting him into an even deeper slumber.

**"There we go. Nothing personal, kiddo, but I doubt you'd react very well to seeing my scary ass. Besides, I have a lot of work to do and this'll help it go smoother"** Yami cracked his knuckles, **"Well, time to make a few repairs."**

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In case you're wondering, this fic is going to be about 72% humor, 13% general, 9% action, and before I forget. *empties a bottle of lemon soda into the mix*

Now...should I mock ALL of Team 7, or just Sakura and Sasuke? (and trust me, he shall be thoroughly bollocked in this fic)


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

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**"Ok, first off:"** Yami pointed at the large seal on his stomach, **"That has to go."** Black mist began to swirl around his hand as he raised it up above the seal and began to recite,_**"I, Yami, Lord of Justice and Punisher of the wicked, invoke my power and declare this seal, along with the contract it represents, NULL AND VOID."**_

The moment he finished speaking, Yami drove the smoking hand into Naruto's stomach. There was no flesh tearing, no blood, nothing but a faint glow as he pushed his arm, up to the elbow, straight into the seal ITSELF. One could almost hear the sound of him digging through something until his eyes widened and a chuckle escaped his lips behind the mask. **"There you are. Come on out, you."**If it was one thing he prided himself on aside from his ability to make grown men cry for their mommies with just a stare, it was his subtley. Outside the apartment, an ANBU on patrol didn't even register his presence.

If the following scene had been witnessed by anyone, his, or her, friends would have probably accuse them of being on LSD or heroin if they told them. Yami began to slowly withdraw his hand from the seal, going slow as if he didn't want to damage what he was pulling out. Soon his hand emerged, in its grip was the scruff of a small fox's neck, nine tails draping behind it. As soon as it was out, the seal melted away as if an eraser went over it, leaving no trace of its existence.

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Kami groaned, watching the Death God start heaving in the bushes, followed by a revolted, "What the hell just happened??"

**"Maybe I should have just stayed in bed.."**

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The fox blinked a few times and looked around before leting out a startled yip when it realized where it was. **"Y-Yami-sama!?" **It yipped in a deep baritone, staring wide-eyed at the hand's owner.

**"Yes, it's me."**He set the fox down on the foot of the bed and smirked when he saw it stare at the sleeping blonde for a minute, **"You're not seeing things, Hatsuyuki. As of now, you are officially free of the Reaper Death Seal. Don't worry, the kid's ok, I just put him in a heavier sleep so I can work without waking him up."** He gave the fox a look similar to a parent about to scold a child, **"Now, I take it you've learned your lesson? No more entering the mortal plane or giving people bloodlines without permission, right?"**

**"Yes, Yami-sama..."** Came the reply, ears and tails drooping showing it was somewhat ashamed of itself.

**"On the other hand, you didn't expect him to try and use the Sharingan to control you, so I can't really blame you for that."** He said, **"All in all, I think your punishment's lasted more than long enough, so...I hearby return you to your true form."** He snapped his fingers and the fox went up in a swirl of fire, oddly enough not even singing anything around it.

When the fire died down, what sat in its place..well at best could only be described as a DAMN cute girl dressed a dark blue short skirt-style sleeveless kimono. She had a slender 4'0" build with a perky c-cup bust, shoulder-length snow-white hair that framed a cute heart shaped face, button nose and exotic pale orange eyes. Though, she WOULD be considered a girl, except she had two white fox ears emerging from the top of her head, along with nine white fox tails waving around behind her.

She was dead silent for a few minutes as she looked at her hands and ran them over her face. A gasp escaped her lips before she suddenly leaped forward and wrapped her arms around Yami. "Thank you!" She whispered, tears welling up in her eyes.

He promptly did the same. **"I'm sorry, 'Yuki-chan. I knew I should have stepped in when that twit went along with that damned sealing, but I let Kami keep up with his 'everything'll work out in the end' crap."**Though he'd never bring himself to admit it, expecially around Shinigami or Kami, Yami still cared about the beings that aided him. Ever since her sealing, he had been worried sick about her and threw himself into his work to try and take his mind off it. **"Either way, you're all right and that's the main thing "**He held her for a moment before turning his attention back to Naruto, "**Now, time to fix you up."**

"What are you going to do?" 'Yuki asked, looking at her former container. Yami grinned behind his mask at the noticeable pink tint on her cheeks.

**"To start, let's see what the damage is."**Yami reached into his sleeve and took out what looked like a monocle with green glass and put it on. After looking the blonde over. After a few passes, Yami simply let his arms drop in a "WTF?" motion. **"You have got to be shitting me..."** He muttered, **"This kid's frigging covered in limiter and restriction seals!"**He took note of three that were the worst. Two on his head and neck designed to impede his mental focus and chakra control, **"These are Prisoner Containment Marks! What piece of shit with put those on a kid??"**He noted that both were modified to to be stronger than normal made a note to personally deal with the responsible parties. The third one simply made him sigh; the third seal was rigged to shut down any physical development when puberty started. With it on, he'd be lucky to get any bigger than he already was. The rest of the seals were mainly designed to keep him from being able to fully concentrate on just about anything and prevent muscle growth. Quite a few were several years old.

**"Oh yeah, I'm gonna be hurting some people later."**He muttered before swinging his arm out, opening a rift back to his home and retrieving what looked to be a toolkit. He hummed a little diddy as he took out a pair of items resembling a protractor and compass. **"Ok, time to get rid of these things"**

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Three hours later, Yami relaxed in a chair, every single seal he could find on the boy was resting in a stack in his hand (don't ask how he did it, he's Yami!). **"Heh, mortals have yet to think up a seal I can't get around."**He grinned, double-checking to be sure they had all been removed before setting them aside, intent on making sure the old monkey saw them as well.

Yuki took this moment to sit back on the bed, unconsciously reaching over to run her hand over one of his whisker marks, "Why do mortals have to be so stupid sometimes? I saw each and every attack while I was locked away. Half the people were convinced he was me..the rest believed beating him up would hurt me. Though...in a way it did..just because I let myself get tricked that lowlife.."

Yami couldn't help but smile at the way she was looking at the blond. In a sense, she'd been with him throughout his life, even though he was unaware of her presence, and honestly regretted causing him this much grief. Nothing verbal was necessary, ecxept for one thing..

**"You have a thing for him, don't you?"**He asked, the smile almost visible through his mask when she blushed brightly.

"Y-Yami-sama!" She squeaked, doing her best to give him a shocked look.

**Don't play dumb, Hatsuyuki. You've been staring at him and smiling ever since I removed you from the seal."**

She sighed; was she being that obvious? "I guess it's his personally that caught my attention at first; hard not to like him, never backs down, still tries to be somewhat positive even after he's been through hell..." She blushed a little deeper, "The fact he's cute helps a little"

**"Unfortunately, the rules require that, now that I've gotten you out, you have to return with me, regardless."**

Her face quickly changed to one of hurt, shocked he'd do that right after she admitted how she felt bout the ex-jinchuuriki. But before she could say anything, he quickly added **"However..there IS a loophole. Provided you don't mind the requirements."**

"What are they?" She wasn't sure whether to squeal that she'd get to stay, or scream in fear of what she'd have to do.

**"Well, I can take a piece of cloth from him and fashion you a Servitude Band. To put it blunty, it would bind you to him and allow you to stay here, with all your power. Although...it would mean he'd become your master."** He could literally see her immediantly going over the pros and cons in her mind.

Hatsuyuki was a sweet girl, but deep down, she was as perverted as one could get, even though she was still a virgin. He decided to mess with her a bit. **"Granted, you'd have to do what he said, but I doubt he'd abuse the position he'd take above you.."** He clamped down on his tongue at the cute little whimper she let out along with the spreading blush,

**"He'll probably just want you to wear something slinky so he can admire your body."**She began to fidget a little, **"But all in all, I don't think you'll really have to worry about having to please him in THAT.."**

"I'll take it!" She blurted out, all nine tails wagging madly, making Yami jump a little.

**"Um, ok."** Came the reply,**"**_**I was just messing with her then. Girl's got it bad."**_ He coughed to regain his train of thought. **"Anyway, back to the subject at hand. Then I'll get to work on it."** Reopening another rift, this time to show a shelf of books, **"Next step, repairing him mentaly and physically. All those seals really screwed him up. Let's see....ah, this'll do for a start."** He selected a dark yellow hardcover titled. 'Shinobi For Dummies."

"How can he read it when he's asleep?"

**"That's 'cause I'm taking a shortcut."**He said, bringing the book back and aiming for Naruto's forehead. The book connected corner first and...vanished, straight into his head.

Suddenly, Naruto's eyes shot open and he yelled, "Chakra control! Taijutsu!" Before passing out again.

**"Not bad for a start. Ok, next up."**

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Shikamaru Nara's eyes shot open as he lay in bed, a slight shiver going down his spine, "Why do I suddenly feel like tomorrow is going to be REALLY troublesome?"

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Don't worry, most of my better comedy'll start up in the next chapter. And I will try to add a lemon or close to one, possibly in the next 2-3 chapters.

I know there's already a Naruto character named Yuki, but since Hatsuyuki means 'First snow" it seemed appropriate. (plus an innocent/pervert femKyuubi just kinda fits in this fic)

In case you're wondering, this will be a somewhat badass Naruto. he's not gonna be uber. Yami's just making sure he's up to where he thinks he should be at.

Next time:

**"Yuki, hand me another book, will you?"**He said just before a copy of the KamaSutra was thrust into his hands. All he could in response was look at 'Yuki, who was trying to look innocent, except she had one tail wagging, _**"Can't decide if I should be proud or fear for you, Naruto."**_


	3. Chapter 3

**Murasaki Tsukimaru: **You make that sound like a bad thing. In regards to the height...5 words: 'Small, but vicious when provoked' (She's still the Kyuubi, after all)

**Twilit King Umbros: **Not quite. He'll be a bit of one (name one teenage boy that wouldn't think about cute girls), but he won't be a mini-Jiraiya. A clearer head'll even things out

Chapter 3

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Hatsuyuki giggled as Yami stuffed another book into Naruto's head, earning a statement of "I know Tiger Style Kung-Fu!" Before passing out once more.

**"This is actually kinda fun."**Yami chuckled, so far he had shoved in 'A Hundred-and-Seven Insults For Your Enemies and People You Just Don't Like', 'Nunchaku 101' (he had considered a sword, but decided 'chucks would be a lot more fun), and just finished putting in 'So You Want To Learn Shaolin.' **"Yuki, hand me a couple more, would you? After that we'll move to step two.."**He cocked an eyebrow at the two books that suddenly appeared in front of him; 'Art of Erotic Massage' and an author's cut edition of the Kama Sutra.(complete with three chapters dedicated to Oriental style) A glance towards her got nothing but an innocent look, though the blush and one wagging tail gave her away. _**"I take that back, she's a MAJOR perv under that cute exterior."**_ He thought before shrugging and shoving them in, **"Can't hurt to know how to make a girl squeal..I guess."**

Ignoring the awed whisper of 'So THAT'S what they look like underneath!', Yami let out a satisfied sigh and closed the rift, **"And last but not least, physical repairs."** No sooner did he say that then he formed a dragon seal and began to emit a low hum.

Yuki watched as a dull yellow glow began to form at the tips of his thumbs. It gradually grew brighter and brighter until it resembled a candle light. The moment that happened, Yami jabbed it towards Naruto and the glow enveloped him. **"There we go. his body'll be where it's supposed to be by dawn, plus I'm giving him a copy of the positive aspects he gained while you were sealed in him. You know; the accelerated healing and insane stamina. Time's handled the chakra stores so there's nothing to worry about there. Just one last thing to do."** He said, tearing a strip of cloth off the blond's jacket and producing a writing quill. **"Are you positive, Yuki? You'll still have your free will, but if he gives a direct order, you'll be compelled to do it."**

"Yes. I trust him." She replied, putting as much confidence into her voice as she could.

**"All right. Keep an eye on him, a lot of the damage's been repaired, but he still has a bit of a ways to go."**

She nodded, "I will. What are you planning to do?"

He gave a brief finger snap over Naruto's head before answering, **"I'm gonna give him a dream that'll explain things. No sense having him freak out with the sudden changes."** Lightly jabbing him on the neck with the quill to get a drop of blood on the tip, the puncture mark already closing, and began drawing symbols on the cloth. **"Then I'm going to have a few words with that old monkey, Hiruzen, and give the ones that made these seals a taste of their own medicine."** As soon as he was done writing, he gave her the cloth and hugged her, **"Take care, kiddo. I'll keep in touch when I can."**

"Bye, Yami-sama." She said as he stepped back and disappeared in another whirl of fire. When the flame faded, she looked at the cloth, "Now where to put you?" She looked herself over, trying to decide where before settling on her upper thigh. She looped it around and shivered as a tingle ran through her body indicating the bonding was taking place. The strip glowed and settled into her flesh, becoming a sort of tattoo.

With that said and done, Yuki let out a yawn she had been holding back for a while. Her time locked away helped her remember that Naruto only had one bed so she knew finding another place to sleep would be annoying, "Well, Yami-sama did say the dream would explain things so he wouldn't be startled by me being here..and I am kinda sleepy.." She giggled and blushed at what she was thinking.

Throwing caution to the wind, she stepped over to the bed and untied her kimono, letting it fall to the floor before climbing under the covers beside her new master.

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"Wha..where am I? What happened to all the ramen!?" Naruto looked around wildly. He had been in the middle of a perfectly nice dream of an all-you-can eat ramen buffet, only to have it all vanish, leaving him standing in the middle of blank expanse. It was so quiet even his breathing echoed, "What kinda place IS this??"

**"Sorry 'bout pulling you out like that, but I needed a spot where we could talk without any distractions."**'Dream' Yami said, fading into view a short distance away. **"I guess it's only proper I introduce myself, seeng as I already know you. I'm Yami."**

"Y-Yami??" Naruto gulped at the sight of him, "A-Am I going to...?"

**"Relax. nothing like that. That's not my field of work, anyway. I just felt it best to let you know about a few things before you woke up."**A couple of chairs materilized nearby, on Yami promptly took, **"You may wanna sit down, this could take a while. It's probably best if I start with the 'Kyuubi attack' the day you were born..."**

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**"SARUTOBI! Get your wrinkled monkey ass out of that bed! I have a bone to pick with you!"** Yami snapped the second he appeared in the man's bedroom, making sure only he heard him. He had to bite back a laugh when he fell out of bed in a heap.

As the Third Hokage, Hiruzen Sarutobi normally was a nearly impossible man to frighten, even at his age. Of course, seeing an irked god at the foot of the bed was a first for him. "You...you-you're..!"

**"Yeah, yeah, yeah; 'yami-sama' and all that. Whatever; that's not why I'm here. Thirteen years ago, your successor/predecessor, Minato Namikaze died, leaving behind his wife, Kushina Uzumaki and a son, Naruto. Unfortunately, Kushina died from complications a couple of days later Now. unless I miss my guess, he left specific instructions that you tell Naruto about his parents and give him his inheritance, didn't he? However, you decided he shouldn't be told. I don't care if you were trying to protect him from Minato's enemies, the kids has to right to at least know who his parents were!"**

"If I didn't, the council.."

BAM! Before Sarutobi could blink, he was immediately eating floorboard, courtesy of Yami's left hook. **"Baka! That's a clan matter, the council hasn't got a damn say in those and you know it! And don't give me that 'Kumo wanting revenge' line. It's no secret your villages can't stand each other anyway. Besides, you've already seen the results of how pig-headed these people can be."**

"What am I supposed to do? Until Naruto graduates, he falls under the jurisdiction of the civilian council since he's an orphan. My hands are tied from the laws they managed to slip in before I retook the position."

Yami rubbed his temple in annoyance, **"Fine, I'll give you that, but don't think I'm letting you off the hook. Your only saving grace is that I've fixed some of the dame you indirectly caused and the dream I left him explaining everything."** He leaned in until they were looking eye to eye, **"And I MEAN 'everyhing'"**

Sarurobi's eyes widened in shock, "Y-you told him about Kyuubi!?"

**"Bingo. And I don't fall under that law you made..like it made a fat load of difference anyway. I've also taking the liberty separating them."**

"S-Seperate..? You can't mean.."

**"As of now, the 'Kyuubi no Youko' is free of the seal and at full power. Relax, Naruto's still alive. She's in my employment, so Shinigami had NO business sealing her to begin wih. That and she attacked only because the mortal that she granted a bloodline to double-crossed her. She was under a potent genjutsu when she attacked"**

"But who'd be willing to set something as stong as Kyuubi on us...and did you say 'she'?"

**"Yes, her real name is Hatsuyuki. She feels guilty about the treatment he's received 'cause of her being sealed in him, so she'd decided to stay with him; so she's going to be around for a while. So I suggest you start acting like a 'kage and get those shitheads in line before they give her a reason to really do some damage, capiece?**

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_"What a night.."_Naruto cracked an eye open as the first rays of dawn leaked into the room. His mind was still reeling from what 'Dream Yami' had told him; that he was now the ex-jinchuuriki of the Nine-Tailed Fox...or Vixen, rather. He groaned at the mild headache he was feeling because it

As he moved to rub his head, he felt a weight on him and something wrapped around his chest. _"The hell?"_His answer came in the form of a contented murr, forcing him to look down. The moment he noticed the head of white hair, his voice went into auto-pilot, "Ha..Hatsuyuki...?"

A stirring motion came from the figure on him and he was greeted by a pair of sleepy orange eyes, followed by the face of a girl that made he suddenly found hard to look away from.

She giggled softly. The three words that followed would forever change Naruto's life;

"Good morning, Master."

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I wanted to do a little more with the talk between Sarutobi and Yami, but sadly, that's the best I could think of.

You'll get to see Naruto's dream in the next chapter, as well as the reactions of a few people to his changes


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

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"You..you're real?" Naruto asked, wondering if the dream really was Yami's work. Now, had this occurred before his repairs, the old Naruto most likely would have done two things: scream, then begin to freak out, especially when he realized two soft (and surprisingly large for her size) 'pillows' were pressing against his chest. Fortunately, this didn't occur. Instead, he found himself blushing at the feel and trying to keep his mind off them. The dream had told him about the modifications, but even he was surprised he was acting as calmly as he was.

"As real as you are." She replied, letting out another murr as he gently scratched one of the fox ears to be extra sure.

He couldn't help but chuckle, the discussion he had in the dream had still echoing somewhat...

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**Dream Flashback**

Naruto was shaking his head hard enough to rattle a few teeth loose. The Kyuubi? Jinchuuriki..well, _former _in his case, and everything else that was said; it was hitting him faster than he could process, "This can't be real.."

**"Well, this IS a dream, but the information is all real, Naruto."** Yami replied, giving him a knowng look, **"Take a look inside. I'm sure you've noticed you're not freaking out like you would have before the real me took those seals off. Plus it looks like everything he uploaded is kicking in."**He laughed when the blonde suddenly turned a shade of red a cherry would have jealous of at some of the stuff now going through his mind.

"Are you nuts!? Sakura would kill me if she found out I knew how to touch a girl like that!" He yelped before realizing he had left out the suffix, "I mean Sakura-ch-*...Sakura-ch...ch..Why the hell can't I call her that now??"

**"When I removed all those seals, the more rational side of your mind was fully released, so I'd have to guess it won't let you call her 'chan' now in response to how she's treated you; all the insults, the hitting, plus the fact she keeps comparing you to that boy who acts like he's got chronic constapation."**

Naruto let loose a barrage cackles at the insult, "Sasuke? Yeah, she and Ino are always fawning over him. It's hard to believe they used to be best friends until Sakura decided she liked him." The moment the blonde said that, he found himself going over every interaction he had with the pink haired girl...

And none of them are all that enjoyable. He realized he could count on one hand..well, half a hand, the times she had been honestly pleasant to him. Outside of that, it was a haze of punches, shouts of 'moron', not to mention rather bi-polar..sweet and nice around the teme, but violent to others, especially him. He was positive that, if it was Sasuke that had the knowledge he had, Sakura would be praying 24/7 to be the first one he'd use it on, and STILL accuse him of being the pervert if he even hinted to it.. As he went over it all, he found himself with only one thing to say:

"What the hell did I see in that bitch!?"

Yami nearly fell over laughing when Naruto blurted that out, **"If you ever find out, let me know. kid. Anyway, at least now you're free from all the hindrances those idiots put on you."** Looking at what appeared to be a cross between a sundial and an hourglass, he added **"Guess we better wrap this dream up. Just one more thing; Yuki actually does like you, so be good to her, ok? Oh, and..don't be surprised if she calls you 'Master' every now and then."**

" What you mean, 'calling me master'?"

**"Normally, rules states that she'd have to return to our realm after I had extracted her, but she really wanted to stay with you. So..I applied a loophole and gave her a Servitude Band."**

"A what band?" Naruto didn't like the sound of that other word.

**"To be blunt, it binds her to you as your slave."**

"NANI?! I don't want a slave!"

**"Relax, it's nothing big. Granted, if you give her a direct order, she'd have to obey. But aside from that, she still has free will and everything, mainly because she chose to wear the band on her own. Remember, she IS the 'Kyuubi no Kitsune', free and with all her power intact, so I don't think you'll have to worry about her too much."**With that, the dream form on Yami faded away as Naruto woke up.

**Dream Flashback End**

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"So..you're really..bound to me now?" He asked, still feeling a little bad about the whole idea. However, that thought sailed out the window when Yuki sat up and was straddling him...

Showing she was topless. Both breasts were pleasantly rounded and topped with a pair of ice-blue nipples. She blushed when his jaw dropped at the sight, "I take it you like them?"

A vigorous nodding was her answer. Without the seals to screw up his chemistry, he was now acting like a boy entering puberty

He let his eyes trail down, taking the sight in; slender body, toned, flat stomach, nicly rounded hips for her size, showing she had on panties, as well as an orange linge tattooed around her left thigh with odd writing on it.

After an attempted to read what it said, he finally found his voice again, "Is that the band?"

"Yeah, I figured it'd be safer to put it somewhere were someone can see it only if I wanted them to. The writing's in my home's native tounge and pretty much just says 'Property of Naruto Uzumaki.'"

The ex-jinchuuriki balked at the word, "You're not property!" He started, only to be silenced by a finger on his lips.

"It's ok, it's just there to make it a working band is all. Besides, " Yuki grinned and leaned back down until they were nose-to-nose, "In a way it IS true, _Master."_ She whispered the word in a seductive tone, "My body is off limits to anyone else but you." Followed by lightly brushing her lips against his.

The sensation overload was finally hitting critical for poor Naruto, he was able to process what was going on, but since he was still new at it, he wasn't fast enough to keep up. With that, he did the only thing he could.

He passed out, complete with a silly grin on his face. Yuki could only laugh at the situation.

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Sarutobi shivered as he looked at the handful of reports he just received from an ANBU; close to eighteen people had been admitted to the hospital since dawn; each and everyone one of them were found in twitching heaps, screaming things like 'Too much green!', 'The chickens! The chickens', and 'Keep that tounge away from me!'. all of them, man and woman, had the hell beat out of them as well. To add insult to injury, their bladder and bowel control had been reduced to zero. None of the doctors could figure out what had happened to them since Inochi had mind walked all of them and was alarmed to find nothing wrong.

They had already launched an investigation since all them were jounin or retired shinobi, but they couldn't find a lick of evidence.

He shook his head, remembering Yami's parting words: **"I'll deal with those idiots. I suggest you get your spine back and show people what the pecking order really is."**

_"He's right, I've let myself go, all because I didn't want to cause waves. Dammit, I'm the Hokage! I'm supposed to be the one giving the orders, the one in charge." _He stood up and bellowed, "THIS IS **MY **YARD,GODAMIT!" Making the ANBU guarding him cringe at the burst of KI he let out, "Get the council! It's time they re-learned just who runs this show!"

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I had planned to have Naruto go to the exam in this one, but figured that deserved a chapter in itself for what I got planned, plus you'll get to see the changes he has.

Yes, I know blue nipples aren't normal, but she IS a demon. besides, pink's already been done.


	5. Chapter 5

**SkittleKick: **Nah,just figured blue would be a nice change from regular pink

Chapter 5

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"Naru-kun, you better get up." Yuki called out, shaking the blonde slightly. She had already gotten up and dressed, "Today's Exam Day, remember?"

That was all it took. With those four words, Naruto's eyes shot open, "Crap! I forgot!" He looked at his clock, "Oh man, I better get ready." He started to sit up when he realized something was odd with his pajamas. They were normally slightly baggy on him, but now they felt like they were straining to keep intact.

"What the..?" He looked to see his feet were almost off the foot of the bed. Scrambling to get up, he finally saw what was going on.

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**"I wonder if I overdid the physical repairs.."**Yami mused before shaking it off, **"Naahh!"**

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"Holy shit! I'm HUGE!" He yelped, running to the mirror. He had to slap himself a few times to be sure. His arms alone were almost three times as big and he was now at least half a foot taller. "I have muscles!" He tapped his stomach and tore the shirt open, "Yuki, I have a six-pack!" Granted, he still wasn't massive, but he was definitely going to be second only to Choji in size.

Silence.

"Yuki?" Naruto turn to see the girl just staring at him, jaw hanging and eyes slightly glazed over. She was also drooling. He managed to recognize the signs and chuckled, "Um, Yuki-chan. As flattering as that is, I better get ready." He said, closing the bathroom door and earning a whimper from her at not getting to enjoy the view anymore.

_"Just a few more hours, Hatsuyuki, just hold out a few more till he gets his headband. You can hold out, right?" _She said to herself, trying to shake the image out of her head.

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Tsume yawned sleepily as she entered the council room, the others had already arrived. Chouza was busy eating a hastily-made sandwich since he was called in the middle of breakfast and Shibi was constantly nudging Shukaku awake. "Any idea why a meeting was called so early?"

"Your guess is as good as mine." Inochi replied, "Must be serious."

"It better be." Koharu grumbled, "Sarutobi has a lot of gall calling one this time of day!"

"I would advise against that tone, Koharu. He may have been your teammate when you were genin, but he is still the Hokage." Shibi stated, looking at the woman disapprovingly.

"He might be, but this council is the power, Aburame! _We _decide what's best for Konoha, civilian or shinobi! Sarutobi's only purpose is to authorize _our_laws!" She said with Homura nodding in agreement

Had the woman taken a moment to collect her thoughts, she would have realized that being sleepy, and cranky from being woken was but one of many combinations that brought about the infamous 'Moment of Stupid'.

That and said man had entered the room midway through her rant. The Ino-Shka-Cho trio had, but decided letting them dig their own graves was a lot more entertaining.

"Arrogance doesn't become you, Koharu." Hiashi said, though in his head he was giggling like an idiot at the grave they were digging themselves. He could be a little snooty at times, but those two really annoyed him, "I doubt he would take kindly to you talking as if he was your underling."

"It doesn't matter what he thinks!" Homura hissed, "The only reason he's back in the position is because we let him! We are the one in charge; when we say jump, he says 'how..." He would have finished that sentence if it wasn't for the bowel-loosening wave of KI that hit them.

"Care to repeat that little comment_, _Homura...Koharu?" The Third said icily.

"S-Sarutobi...I..we.." Homura stammered, still reeling from the effects, only to be cut off.

"That's Hokage-_Sama to_you!" He snapped before motioning to the ANBU in the room, he was through putting up with his former teammate's bullshit "Maybe a little quality time with Ibiki will curb those egos of yours."

"What?! Sarutobi, how dare you! You can't just.." Danzo started, glaring at the man, only to freeze when the glare was returned tenfold.

In a flash, Sarutobo was less than an inch from Danzo's face, "I can't just _WHAT, _Danzo!?" He snarled, making even Tsume let out a nervous squeak.

"K-Koharu..and Homura...th-their two of the council's most..most respected members of the council.." The warhawk said, uncharacteristically timid.

"Danzo, who am I?"

"Y-You're Hiruzen Saru..."

"I'M THE HOKAGE, BITCH!" He bellowed, his chakra rattling the table and everyone in the room. "Danzo, don't think for a second you can pull the woll over my eyes; the second, and I mean, THE second, you try anything..whether it be with your little ROOT project." He raised hie eyebrows for a second, saying 'I know' and making the man start to sweat, "Or my 'esteemed' former teammates, and I used the term VERY loosely, or anyone else for that matter, and I will literally tear your remaining arm off and ram the wet end so far up your ass you'll never have to worry about scratching your hemorrhoids ever again before letting Anko play with you, is that clear?"

"H-Hokage-sama..I.."

"IS. THAT. CLEAR?" The KI came back full, followed by an extremely foul stench.

"Crystal..." Danzo squeaked, before the Hokage stepped away.

He looked to the ANBU, "Get them out of here."

The remaining council members stared wide-eye as Homura and Koharu were dragged off and the old warhawn ran out, clutching the now-stained seat of his pants. The moment the door closed, Sarutobi let out a grunt, "DAMN! that felt good!"

"Wow.." Was all Chouza could really say, "Um..Ho..Hokage-sama? Are you all right?"

"Never better, Chouza, never better." He replied, "I guess I better let you know what just happened was the main reason I called you here. They forgot I'M the Hokage here, and it's high time I started acting like it! "

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While I wrote this one, something came to mind, should 'Yuki be somewhat inconspicuous in the class, or should Iruka be wanting to know why Naruto has a girl cuddled up in his lap, pissing off Sakura and making Hinata have a fit in the process?

(mean as it sounds, Hinata fighting the urge to take Yuki's 'seat' from her is kinda funny.)


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

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Techui Ichiraku hummed a makeshift tune to himself, checking the noodles to make sure they didn't overcook before heading back to making dough. "Ayame, could you check the meat to make sure it's thawing?" After a moment of no reply, he called out again, "Ayame, would you check the meat?"

"I am checking it out...yummy.."

Normally, he probably would have ignored that remark, considering his daughter had a weakness for BBQ chicken, especially if it was spicy. No, what made him pause was the tone. It was distracted and..he was scared to think it...aroused. It didn't help that her voice came from the counter.

He looked around the door to see her staring, and momentarily licking her lips at someone walking by. It was a muscular young man dressed in orange knee-length shorts and a sleeveless orange jacket, open to show the mesh shirt underneath. The way several other girls were staring at him with blushes and hearts in their eyes confirmed what Ayame was thinking.

_"Sometimes I wonder if I should've encouraged her to make friends with someone besides Anko Mitarashi. I swear that girl's a worse pervert than most of Konoha's male population." _While he secretly bemoaned his daughter's choice of pals, something clicked about the 'stranger', _"Hang on a second...orange?"_He leaned forward a bit in an attempt to get a better look, _"Hang on..blonde...marks on his face..no way" _Without thinking, he uttered the next sentence out loud, "That's Naruto.."

Ayame's eyes widened when she heard that, "Naruto..?" Her jaw unhinged when she looked at his face in time to see him perform his trademark grin and neck scratch, "It..it is.." It disengaged even more, _"How'd he go from 'little cutie' to 'freaking hot' without anyone noticing? Especially ME!?"_

Looking around, Techui noticed that several other girls seemed to be glaring in his general direction, but they seemed to be focused on something beside him. The guys that weren't looking like they wanted to hurt him were also staring, rather perversely too. It wasn't until Naruto went by that he saw the small white-haired girl latched onto his other arm.

For a moment, he was worried some of the more uptight populous would set upon him as having a loli fetish, hell, the girl was cute, but she so little; she barely reached his shoulders. Oddly enough, there was something about her..he couldn't explain it, but his gut told him anyone that did intend to mess with either one of them would be in for a VERY rude awakening. That was confirmed when the girl whispered something to Naruto and they both laughed. The moment he nodded, she moved up closer against him and they both vanished in a puff of smoke.

"Wow..looks like Naruto's new friend has a few tricks up her sleeve, huh, Ayame?" He asked, stepping beside his daughter. Of course, what he got in return was a 19-year old girl, standing stiff as a board with a severe tic over her eye.

_"INTRUDER! INTRUDER! Unknown female with crush! Must ascertain threat level! Eliminate if necessary!"_If he could read her thoughts, poor Teuchi would probably be trying to hide in one of the cabinets.

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"Ok, everyone quiet down and let's see who's here." Iruka called out to the noisy group of students. When the commotion continuted he used Plan B: Dean Head Mode.

"SIT YOUR ASSES DOWN AND SHUT THE HELL UP!" That worked. "All right...

"Get outta my seat, Forehead girl!" A platinum blonde girl snapped as she tried to shove another girl with hair out of the seat beside a certain boy

"Like hell it is, Pig!"

Iruka sighed, _"Ino Yamanaka and Sakura Haruno, check._Both of you settle down! Ino, there's an empty seat by Shikamaru." He sighed again when Sakura gave Ino a raspberry before focusing on the brooding figure beside her.

"Sakura, pay attention! Ok, Shino Aburame..."

"Present." Came the slighty monotone response from the boy sitting in the back.

"Chouji Akamichi.."

*cruch, chomp, gulp* Here. *munch*

"Chouji, you know I hate it when you eat in class."

"Akamichis gotta count their calories, Iruka-Sensei. I'm up to 3,859 so far today."

Iruka shook his head, "Hinata Hyuuga..."

"H-Here." The shy girl piped up beside Shino.

_"I hope the team she gets put on can get her out of that shell._Kiba Inuzuka."

"Yo!" The loud boy hollered out, a puppy laying down on top of his head, 'Bark!' "And Akamaru too!"

"Right. Well, I already said Shikamaru's here" He gleaned over the clipboard he was holding, "As well as those two...Sasuke Uchiha."

"Hn." Responded the boy Sakura was sitting by, eliciting a squeal of 'how cool he was' from the pinkette and a few other girls in the room. Currently considered the heartthrob of the majority of the academy's female student body, and a right asswipe by the male students.

_"I know I shouldn't act like this, but Kami, I really hate that stuck-up little bastard.." _Iruka thought to himself before coming to the last name he needed to check, Naruto Uzu.."

Before he could finish, a cloud of smoke erupted in the back of the room in the seat beside Hinata, grabbing everyone's attention. Iruka rushed over in case it was a threat

*giggle* "Master, that tickles." The voice was definatly female.

Cue sound of multiple gears coming to a sudden grinding halt as the smoke cleared.

Shikamaru opened his eyes halfway and muttered, "Maybe I should've just played hooky today"

Everyone else, minus Captain Emo, could only express what was on their minds in three words, "What the hell??"

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Before anyone overreacts to what Ayame was thinking, you gotta admit, it doesn't sound too far-fetched for something like that to go through any girl or guy's head. Besides, the computer-like way sounded a lot funnier.

Ok, time for another round of 'Second Opinion': Think Hatsuyuki should get a rank? (possibly join team7 to help counteract any favoritism as well as piss them off with their make-out sessions)


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

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Crickets chirping..

Cue a record scratching to a halt..

Followed by a car crash.

"What the hell!??" Iruka had ro rub his eyes a few times to be sure he wasn't hallucinating when the smoke finally cleared. In the chair beside a now frozen Hinata sat a familiar-looking young man. The hair and markings made things click surprisingly fast for the chunin, "Holy shit...Naruto?? Is that you??"

"Heh, sorry I'm late, Iruka-Sensei, Overslept a little."

"N-Naruto..what the hell happened to you?" He quickly performed a genjutsu release to be sure it was the real deal. Gone was the short, orange-jumpsuit clad kid he remembered, He now stood around 5'5" and had a fair bit of muscle on him that was definitely capable of turning heads, if several of the girls in class were any indication.

When he was doing this, certain others were giving their own reactions...

*munch* Whoa..Naruto *munch* got ripped!

Hooky..I REALLY should've played hooky today...*sigh* "_So Troublesome..."_

_"N-Naruto-Kun..he's HUGE! In more ways...BAD HINATA! BAD! No using your Byakugan like that! Even if the sight's worth getting caught...NO! BAD!"_

Much to the blonde's chagrin, a certain pinkette yelled, "Stop trying to show up Sasuke-kun and take that stupid henge off, you idiot!"

The following would be talked about by the witnesses for years to come...

Naruto responded with a look of annoyance her way, "Haruno, shut up. Unlike you, not everything I do revolves around the emo."

"WHAT?! WHY YOU LITTLE...!" Sakura shrieked, lunging forward intent to punish the blonde for his impudence.

'Intent' being the key word. Her fist barely got within four inches of Naruto's head before another hand wrapped around her wrist, putting an iron grip on it. Everyone followed the arm until they found who it belonged to.

"Where the hell did she come from!?" Kiba blurted out, finally noticing the girl that had been standing beside Naruto and not paying attention to Akamaru's sudden whimpering. The pooch didn't know who the girl was, but he was aware she was NOT someone to mess with and prayed his partner didn't do something stupid.

Almost on cue, everyone (well, ALMOST everyone) else thought the same thing, wondering if her small size just made it hard to notice her or if she had just been hiding

"My name is Hatsuyuki." Her gaze shifted to Sakura and the surge of KI she suddenly let out sent almost half the class screaming out the door, "Consider this a warning, Pinky." The growl in her voice was noticeable, making the remaining students shudder, "Lay one finger on my master and I'll make a bathmat out of your hide." Her eyes darted to other girls, the orange darkening by several shade "That goes for the rest of you Uchiha fangirls as well." With that, she gave Sakura a shove that made the girl stagger back to the wall.

"Easy, Yuki-chan." Naruto gently pulled her back a bit, "I think she got the message."

She wasn't the only one. Though, the message gotten wasn't quite the one she sent out.

A certain Uchiha stared almost wide-eyed at the girl as she promptly hopped into Naruto's lap, ignoring the protests of Iruka, _"So the dobe got a bit of muscle, he's still dead-last. But that girl...I''ve never felt intent like that before. She's strong, there's no mistake about that...and she'll be mine before long. She's perfect for an elite like me."_

Poor deluded Sasuke....

"Naruto, what did she mean by 'master'?" Iruka asked, slightly annoyed at her ignoring him.

"Because he's my master, I'm his slave." She smiled cutely. "Wherever he goes, " She wrapped her arms around his waist and nuzzled up into his chest, "I go." The finality in that was obvious.

Naruto could only shrug, "It was her idea. As for how it happened..it's a long story I don't really wanna tell right now. Let's just say she has a knack for popping up only when she wants to. She's been in town for a while." That technically was the truth_, _since she_ had _been in the seal all this time.

Iruka knew the blonde enough to tell that was all he was going to say for now, "Fine...fine. As long as you don't cause any trouble, ok?" He said to Yuki.

"Deal." She replied, wiggling a bit in Naruto's lap to get comfortable and grinning at the Hinata-class blush she got in return from her 'master'.

Of course, that also earned a rather violent tic from said bluenette, _"WARNING WARNING! Other girl in Naruto-kun's lap! Threat status: High! Countermeasures required!" _

Shino took note of the twich and deftly scooted away some.

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"He's WHAT!?" For the first time in his life, Hiashi Hyuuga did a textbook 'deer-in-headlights' at the information Sarutobi just laid on them.

"You heard me, Hiashi." The old man responded, ignoring Tsume's gigglefit at the other's reaction, "Naruto is Minato Namikaze's son. Where do you think I got the idea to put down Uzumaki as the boy's surname? Hell, I was the one that performed the marriage for him and Kushina. Besides, didn't any of you ever picture him _without_ those marks?"

The whole room went silent when that statement was made.

After a pause, Inochi spoke up, "Man, I feel really stupid right now."

"You're not the only one." Sarutobi sighed, "I messed up royally in that case. Guess the old saying is true; 'a can's no good when the contents have gone bad'. Was so concerned with places like Iwa wanting payback, I overlooked the enemies in here. However, that stops now. I intend to let him know and turn over the keys to his father's place."

"S-So the de---boy...he really IS a Namikaze??" A pink-haired councilwoman spoke up, the planning lready visable in her eyes.

"Yes, and I suggest you put any plans of marriage arrangements out of your head, Azula Homura. That goes for ALL of you!" His eyes swept over the meeting, "There's currently only one signed betrothal to him that both Kushina and Minato agreed on. Any others will be made only with his agreement. And if I find out any of you attempt to trick or force him into one, I'll let Anko deal with you. Understood?"

"Then we'll put him under the Restoration Law! I have at least to nieces I can..." Another member of the civilian side hollered, at least he was until he caught the blunt end of a kunai between his eyes, then all he could say was "Ooh, birdies.."

"What part of 'only with his agreement' don't you understand!? If you geniuses thought simply offering it to the Uchiha was the right idea, then you'll extend the same courtesy to Naruto." A flurrying of nods was the response, "Good. In that case, I can call this meeting adjourned."

As everyone began to exit, several thoughts were going around...

_"Time to change plans a bit. Sakura's already mentioned the boy is crazy about her so that makes things even easier!"_

_"I should've listened to Shikamaru when he said things were going to be troublesome today...aw man."_

_"I can't use any chicanery, but just offering won't hurt. Besides, I KNOW Ino can do a lot better than the Uchiha"_

_"This is unbelievable..he's really alive! Why the hell didn't I ever notice?! If anything, maybe this'll help make up for at least a bit of the crap I'd had to put Hinata through just to keep those buzzards off her case."_

_"There's no way that runt can be Minato-kun's kid...can he? If I take away those marks..."_

_"Did I just see Tsume blush?"_

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And a bit of foul play is afoot. Someone's gonna get hurt soon

Sorry if the first half of this chapter seems kinda piecemeal, but like I said before, I tend to write as it comes.

Also, I'm wondering if maybe Naruto should be someone bold in the flirting scene. like in the week before team announcements, Yuki teaches him how to use the knowledge Yami uploaded to his advantage.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

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Iruka cleared his throat. It had taken him a good hour to get the students that had fled back into the room "O-kay..now that we're finally settled down. We can begin. As you're well aware, today is Finals Day here at the acadamy, the culmination of everything you've learned over these last few years." He picked up a clip board and flipped through the papers on it.

While this was going on, Yuki was looking around at the students, _"Wow..this is kinda sad: if their expressions are any indication, almost half this room thinks ninja life'll be rescuing princess and finding lost treasures. And that's just with the boys! The girls are facing Iruka, but their eyes are all on Captain Broody over there.. lousy fangirls. Makes me embarrassed to be female sometimes." _

She glanced towards Ino,_"Granted, blondie looks like she has a few skills outside of looks, but she's still one of 'them'. Seems like Hinata's the only one really serious about it. The timidness'll have to rectified first though. That won't be too hard to do, I need to talk to her anyway. She likes Naruto, and it's only polite to share; but I need to be sure that's authentic and not some silly infatuation."_

After finishing his speech, Iruka motioned towards the door, "First off is the shuriken range. Move out"

On the way, the students were thinking other things.

Shikamaru: _"I can't tell which one's gonna be worse..Naruto or that Yuki gal.."_

Ino: _"When the hell did Naruto turn into a hunk!? I knew that jumpsuit of his seemed kinda baggy, but..Oh sweet Kami, look at those abs!"_

Kiba (staring at Yuki's rear end): _"How that doofus get a hot piece of tail like that!?"_

Akamaru: _"Ok..smells like fox even more than Naruto..who smells like a regular person now..scary as hell...and being leered at by Kiba no Baka...this is either going to be really painful, or funny as hell._

Shino: _"Ironic..Uchiha has several fangirls wooing for him but he doesn't reciprocate. Yet, a girl who puts them all to shame, in appearance and power if her KI is any indicator, has decreed herself as Uzumaki's, quite willingly and happily it would seem....lucky bastard."_

Chouji : _*Maybe I can ask Naruto for a few pointers."_

Hinata (twitching slightly at Yuki's arms around Naruto): _"Calm down, Hinata..the battle hasn't even started yet, and you still THAT to fall back on if need be..If I can work up the nerve to use it.."_

The Pink Banshee AKA Sakura was a mix of thinking up punishments for Naruto for presumed perversions after seeing the girl hop into his lap, concluding that Yuki is really after her 'Sasuke-Kun', since no sane girl would actually want the blonde, and her usual fantasizing about said crush*

And as for Sasuke Uchiha...mostly fantasizing about inflicting untold amounts of pain on his older brother, spaced with assuming Yuki would instantly ditch the 'dobe' and latch onto him once he showed who was in charge.

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**"Feel any better?"**Yami called out to the shower stall. After spending all that time in the septic tank Shinigami called his stomach, he couldn't blame the guy. It took a couple dozen showers, two soap bars and three bottles of shampoo before he was finally feeling clean.

"Much." Came the reply as the door opened, "Thought I'd never get the smell of corpse off me." Out of the steam stepped a man drying his hair off. "I do have one question. How'd I get out in the first place? I always thought that was permanent."

**"Yeah, you probably wanna sit down" **The deity replied, **"This is gonna take a little while to explain. Ok. First off, I better let you know that I voided your deal with Shinigami."**

"You did wha..!?"

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Naruto's PoV.

I don't know why I'm thinking this right in the middle of the exam, but I just realized something after seeing Sakura and Ino go up (and laughing my head off at Yuki-chan's pretend retch when they ran over to the teme for his approval)

They don't really look all that attractive. I had heard that a lot of the Uchiha fangirls were dieting for him. DIETING!? At 13?? That's insane! I mean, it's one thing if you're naturally slim, but that CAN'T be healthy. Especially for shinobi.

It's hard to really describe, but ever since Yami..well, repaired me, to put it bluntly, I've been less oblivious to things.

Like the fact the teme seems twitchy whenever a groupie gets near him. Or Shino's guilty pleasure of gumdrops, judging by the way he sneaks them out of his pocket.

Not to mention that Hinata; quiet little..and kinda cute when I think about it...Hinata has a serious badonkadonk. Call me what you will, but I could watch that for hours,

Though that thought lasts until I have to mentally punch myself. I'm with Yuki, aren't I? I mean, she was pretty much naked in bed with me this morning. She even flat out said she'd only let me..ME of all people, touch her. That counts for something, right?

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Normal PoV.

Unfortunately Naruto was broken from his thoughts when Iruka called him up.

While the blonde was making his way to the kunai, a certain Inuzuka was busy scooting over to the white-haired girl. Yuki let out an involuntary twitch when Kiba suddenly put his arm around her.

"Hey, babe, why don't you drop Blondie and hook up with a real guy?"

Yuki's eyes narrowed as she shifted her gaze to the guy intruding on her personal space, "I suggest you back off, Kiba Inuzuka, before I have to hurt you."

"Don't be like that. Waddaya say after this we go somewhere pri.." He never got to finish his sentance; during his attempt to flirt with Yuki, the boy's hand landed on forbidden territory

Her right breast.

Naruto was halfway through the test when her KI shot out again, scaring the hell out of everyone a second time, along with a cry of, "ASSHOLE! **RAITON: CHIKAN BURA!" **A flash of lightning followed, along with Kiba's high-pitched scream. Then, as soon as it started, it was over.

Once everyone calmed down, they looked at the results: a scorched, smoldering, and twitchy Inuzuka heir lay on the ground. An irate Hatsuyuki stood above him before delivering a kick to his posterior, "Bastard! Nobody but Naruto-sama gets to fondle me!"

Of course, that remark brought all eyes onto the former demon container.

"Yuki, definitely Yuki." Shikamaru mumbled to no on in particular.

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Yeah, yeah, I know this was kinda random, but like I've said before, I write my chapters in the way they come to me. (I blame my muse!)

Chikan Bura: Pervert Blaster (at least, that's what Google Translate said it was)


	9. Chapter 9

**Oraman Atsuri:**True, but I tend to go with the theory that he entered the academy earlier then the others. By way of that, the previous two fails would have kept him held back long enough for him to end up in a class with others his age.

**T.D.** **Sugoi: **'Yuki' is short for 'Hatsuyuki', actually. I know it's probably not an official name, but it does have a feminine ring to it.

Chapter 9:

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"Um, Yuki? I can't really blame you for taking offense at what Kiba did, but don't you think that was a little overkill!?" Iruka asked as the medics carted off the slightly-conscious student

She simply snorted, "Naruto-Sama's the only one who gets to grab these tits!." Came the reply, not really noticing the blush appearing on said 'sama's' face when she said it, nor the twitch on Hinata's face.

_"Nani??_ _No! It's MY tits Naruto-kun should be grabbing! Their halfway to D-Cups, and cute and perky too!" _Hinata fumed, (Hinata! You naughty girl!) only to turn her patented shade of red once she realized what just went through her head, along with hiding the slight trickle of blood after the following image.

"Riight.." Iruka said, fighting back his own blush, "Ok, well, the medics informed me that Kiba's injuries are thankfully minimal, so he should be up within the hour. Until then..why don't we go ahead and stop for lunch. The taijutsu test will be lopsided anyway with an odd number of students." He checked the clocked then added, "I expect you all back by noon"

"Master, I'm going to get something done real fast, ok?'" Hatsuyuki said, "It shouldn't take long."

"Ok, I'm gonna go hit Ichiraku's. Missed breakfast.." He replied, getting a quick kiss from the girl before she shunshined away. Before he could, however, he found himself looking at an irritated pinkette, "What do you want this time, Sakura?" He muttered.

"It's time to cut it out, Naruto!" She snapped, "You pop out of nowhere with that..that _girl_ hanging off you, and she's calling you 'master. I don't know what your stupid little game is, but you better fess up if you know what's good for you!" She held a fist up to get the point across. She had expected him to cringe and blubber a little like he used to do. This time, all she got was a tic on the blonde's forehead.

_"I ask again: what the HELL Did I see in this bitch!?" _He asked himself before turning his attention back to her, "Ok, three things, Sakura, One: I'll explain things when I'm good and ready. Two: you're in no position to demand jack shit from me. And Three: Your old tactics aren't gonna work anymore so I suggest you back off." He said, slapping the offending limb away.

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"YOOOOUUUUTTTTTHHHHH!!!"

Kakashi Hatake stood frozen, everyone's eyes focused on him, as he tried urgently to figure out where the hell that came from.

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Hinata quickly activated her Byakugan to be extra sure what she had just seen was real.

Sakura was stunned, the 'dead last' just stood up to her? He even had the gall to look annoyed at her threat of violence. Unable to make sense of the sudden change in the blonde, she resorted to her old ways. "NARUTO NO BAKA!" She yelled, aiming for his head.

Thanks to the books, Naruto saw it coming and sidestepped out of the way, letting the girl stagger past. As she tried to regain her balance, she failed to see that he was now behind her.

"O shiri wo kidō!" Naruto's voice echoed behind her.

Two seconds later, Konoha reverberated from the shriek she let out as Naruto's foot connected dead center with her rump..

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In Kiri, the recently instated Godaime Mizukage halted in the middle of her paperwork, a perplexed look on her face, and wondering why she felt like singing 'Hallelujah' all of a sudden.

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In the hokage tower, Yuki giggled as she cupped an ear to the sound, recognizing the voice "Music to my ears. I'll have to remember to...congratulate him later." She giggled again, this time a little more pervertedly.

As to why she was there..well, she was well aware that the exam would have them performing the academy jutsus. Even though he wasn't impeded any more, he still had too much chakra and not quite enough control to really use regular clones. Fortunately she had seen plenty of instances where a different version was used; the shadow clone, solid ones that could move and react on their own. There was bound to be something about that jutsu in the tower.

In all honesty, she was rather disappointed in the security. A henge the chunin guarding the door didn't even think twice about, and a handful of employees was all that sat between her and her search. "The old man really needs to fire whoever set up the 'protection'" She muttered, "Ah well, makes things easier. Now, if I was the shadow jutsu, where would I be..?"

"And may I ask exactly why you're interested in that jutsu, young lady?" Sarutobi piped up behind her, his tone courious with a slightly guarded tone.

At fire she was ready to try and throw a genjutsu to distract him until she remembered Yami had talked to him, "Heh, guess I should remembered the hokage would be in the tower." Taking note that it was just the two of them in the hall, she relaxed a bit and let her tails and fox ears show.

The Hokge's eyes widen for a moment, "Um, Hatsuyuki, I presume?"

"Bingo. As for why I'm after that jutsu. Well, I'll be damned if Naruto-sama's gonna fail that exam three times in a row." She crossed her arms, "So, feel like helping a vixen out or what?"

"As much as I'd like to see Naruto pass, you realize that's an A-rank jutsu. It took some of Konoha's best jounin several days training to get it correct."

She simpley smirked, "Who said anything about _training_ him in it?"

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**"..That's pretty much the gist of it." **Yami finished, **"Of course since I've voided the deal, if you want I can return you to life. I can give you a couple days to mull it over. Kushina should be somewhere in Kami's area so you might be able to talk it over with her. However, because of the nature of her death, she's under his jurisdiction so I can't send her back as well.."** He realized the man had been abnormally quiet through the explanation, **"Minato? You still there?"**

"WHEN I GET MY GET MY HANDS ON THOSE (BLEEP BLEEP) SACKS OF (BLEEP) I'M GONNA RAM A (BLEEP) KUNAI UP EACH AND EVERY (BLEEP BLEEP) ONE OF THEIR (BLEEP), THEN I"M GONNA (BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP) CHEESE GRATER (BLEEP) THEIR (BLEEP BLEEP) AND (BLEEP) BRANDING IRON IN THE (BLEEP) UNTIL THEIR (BLEEP) CHIRP!"

**"So..I'll take that as a yes?'**

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If you can guess what 'O shiri wo kidō' means, you get a cookie. (at least, as soon as they find out how to e-mail one)

I'll do my best to add some dry/serious humor sometimes, but most of it'll be like this.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Intermission. (sorta)

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**"Yami, are you out of your mind!?" **Kami almost yelled after being told his brother was sending Minato Namikaze back down, **"You have any idea how many rules you're breaking!?"**

**"Ask me if I give a shit."** Came the retort, **"Since the contract no longer exists, everything it entailed is reversable. So don't get all rule-y on me, bucko "**

**"And how exactly do you expect him to go back when his body has been in a coffin for more than a decade? There's going to be nothing but bones now."**

**"You're not the only one who can resurrect people, remember?" **He snickered as Kami groaned, **"Where'd he go anyway?"**

**"Last I saw he said he was going to say hi to someone."** Kami frowned at the amused snort his brother let out, **"What?"**

**"Nothing. When he pops back up, let him know I'll be getting ready to send him back." **Yami replied, turning around so Kami couldn't see him mouth the words, 'You go, Minato!"

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Pure silence reigned on the academy grounds after everyone saw what had just transpired. Chouji lost his grip on the chips he was eating, Shikamaru was rubbing his eyes to be sure it wasn't an oddball dream,.Even Shino had lowered his glasses.

Hinata, on the other hand, was cutting lose with a dance in her mind, complete with pompoms and a Chibi-Hina right beside her.

Naruto....Naruto Uzumaki, a boy who had pined for Sakura Haruno ever since they became students, had just delivered a kick straight into the rear of said girl, leaving her in a heap on the ground. Sparing a brief glance at the poleaxed expression on her face, the blonde took a deep breath and said, "I feel cleansed."

Iruka was the first to snap out of it, "N-Naruto! Why did you kick her!?"

"Simple, Pinky felt she had the right to demand information that wasn't any of her business and got violent when I told her no. I only kicked her after she threw the punch."

"I know that, but how am I going to explain to Haruno about her daughter getting punted like a training dummy?? The woman's a freaking nightmare!"

Naruto simply shrugged, "You'll think of something, Iruka-Sensei." He said before heading off.

The chunin whimpered at the thought of the older banshee's eardrum-rupturing screams, ."My job really sucks sometimes."

No one noticed Hinata snap out of her inner celebration and scamper off after the boy, seeing this as her chance.

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Sarutobi watched as Yuki jotted down a couple of jutsus from the scroll, asking himself how he let her talk him into this, "Um, Hatsuyuki, you do know people are going to want to know how Naruto managed to learn something like that."

"So? Do people expect the Naras to say where they learned their stuff? Or The Akamichis? No, so they can guess all they want."

"But..how are you going to help learn those jutsu? The Genin Exam is only around three hours."

She simply grinned, "You don't work for Yami-sama as long as I have and not learn a few things" After tucking the paper into her kimono, she glanced at the clock, "I better get this to him. Later old man."

"Wait a moment, Hatsuyuki." Sarutobi opened up a hidden drawer in his desk and took out a scroll, "Give this to Naruto. It's something I should done years ago."

Taking note of the seal on it, she nodded and vanished in a plume of smoke.

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Elsewhere:

"Mmmm..Minato-kio.." The currently late Kushina Uzumaki purred from the small lagoon she and her husband were currently making love in. Thirteen years of pent up sexual frustration getting the best of her.

When she saw Minato, she was a mix of wanting to hug the crap out of him after being separated for so long, and wanting to beat seven shades of shit out of him for sealing the Kyuubi into their son.

Of course, he apparently guessed what was on her mind when he grabbed a nearby potted plant to use as a shield while he explained everything.

The Kyuubi no Kitsune tricked? Free? A girl? Not to mention a girl that had the hots for her son and willingly became his slave! To top it off, Yami had voided out the deal her husband made with the Shinigamni and was offering him a chance to back. He was determined to undo at least some of the damage done.

"So, you're really going to be brought back to life?" She asked, still having trouble believing it.

"Yeah, those retarded bastards made Narutos life hell the moment you died. And Hiruzen let himself get bum-rushed by the council members. He's going to be one of the first I'm giving a piece of my mind to when I return." Minatos eyes shifted an icy, ruthless glare. "After that it's Open Seasooohh Kami." He leaned back as she ground her hips against him before he could continue, "Little minx." He grinned as she playfully stuck her tongue out at him..

"You know what that look does to me." She quipped.

He regained his composure, "First off, I'll have to talk to 'her' and see if she's still wanting to go along with it."

"Are you sure? She was only ten when we made the offer. I still feel a little wierd bout it."

"Remember, it was your idea, Kush-chan." Minato grinned as he gently applied pressure to a spot that made her squeak, "I don't even think Hiruzen knows about it. Plus the deal you and Hitomi made after your little 'which one of us can get shitfaced first' contest."

"I didn't hear you or Hiashi complain when we done. I believe that was when we got pregnant with Naruto and Hinata."

"True, you can be a VERY naughty girl when you're buzzed." He responded, continuing his ministrations to her rump,

"Oohh...a-anyway, I should be against the idea altogether; I mean, a slave girl and two betrothals? And one's old enough to be my imouto!"

"I'm a little weirded out by it, too, you know. But given what he's had to put up with all this time, I kinda think the little guy's earned it. Besides, I won't really be remarrying any time soon once I go back.."

"Can't argue with that." She sighed, relaxing a bit more into her husband's hands, "So, any idea when?"

"Dunno, I'll probably just have to let him know I'm ready." Kushina missed the devilish smirk that flashed o his face for a moment, "I just need to get something done."

"What's thaa.." The redhead's voice trailed out into a mew of pleasure as a tongue wrapped itself around her nipple.

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Meanwhile, Naruto had reached Ichiraku's and was already on his third bowl. Techui was busy laughing his butt off at what he had done to the Haruno girl, "Hahaha! All I can say is it's about time you dropped the fangirl, Naruto. She just wasn't good for you."

"Don't need to tell me twice." The blonde commented, starting on bowl #4. Looking up, he spotted Ayame come out from the back, a dark blush forming on her face when she saw him.

"Um, h-hey, Naruto-kun." She said, wringing her apron as she stood there, _"Calm down, Ayame! This is Naruto! You've never had trouble talking to him before." _ She mentally sighed,_ "Who am I kidding!? I was damn near drooling when I saw him go by earlier, then again, I didn't know it was him till Dad mentioned it.. Granted I always thought he was kinda cute, but now..meroww.."_

"Hey Ayame-chan." Naruto began asking for the fifth when he caught a whiff of something. It was faint, but still there; sort of a strawberries-and-cream sort of smell. _"Weird, they don't sell anything like that here, and the candy store is at the other end of the district." _He sniffed a couple more times, making it look like he was breathing normally while he tried to find the source. Then it hit him..

The smell didn't show till she came out. The odd, Hinata-like stutter, the blush...he was able to put it together, _"She..she's getting turned on by something.." _His eyes widened when he realized she was looking his way, _"No way..." _He did his best to pretend he didn't notice anything and resumed eating, _"I'M actually turning her on?? Holy crap!"_

Unknown to any of the ramen stand's occupants, a certain pale-eyed kunoichi was just out of sight, using her Byakugan out of curiosity when she saw the older girl fidget, _"AW COME ON! First that Hatsuyuki girl, now HER!?"_

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Yeah, this is sort of a filler for a couple loose ideas I had rattling about. Hope you enjoyed the bit of citrus I added, even if it wasn't a true lemon.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Hinata Hyuuga was not a happy camper at the moment. Granted, she was damn near in nirvana when her crush severed ties with Sakura; but now she was contending with an unpleasant mix of worry and fustration at learning that Hatsuyuki wasn't the only girl she'd have to contend with. She knew he was close with the Ichiraku girl, but figured it was more along the lines of a sibling attachment. Unfortunately that thought went out the window when she caught her blushing at him.

"You know, pent-up frustration isn't exactly healthy." Hinata nearly screamed when Yuki's voice suddenly piped up beside her. She glanced between the Hyuuga heiress and Naruto before asking, "You like him, don't you?"

"Well I..uh.." Was all Hinata could get out before the familar blush creeped up on her face

Yuki chuckled, "Ok, ok. I get the idea, but the real question is: do you like him for him?" She promptly crossed her arms and looked the girl dead in the eyes, "Because I'm willing to share, but I'll be damned if any shallow little fangirl thinks they can get their claws into my master."

"Of course I do!" She almost blurted out, incensed at the indirect accusation, "You have any idea how many times I'm tried to get close enough to tell him how I feel! Every time he gets within five feet of me, I get so flustered I can barely form a complete sentence! "

_"Hm, well, she seems sincere; the lack of self-confidence looks to be the main problem though. Well, we'll have to rectify that, won't we?. _Hinata, what would you say if I told you I could help you break this shy streak of yours?"

"You..you can?" The timid exterior quickly returned as Yuki draped an arm over her shoulder.

"Let's find a spot where we can talk privately."

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Later, as Naruto made his way back to the academy, his mind more preoccupied on the recent discovery, he failed to see two pairs of eyes follow him.

Both with a hungry gleam.

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"I hoped you learned something from this, young man." Iruka stated towards the now mostly-healed Kiba.

"Yeth, Thenthei." Came the reply, much to the amusement of several others and getting an odd look from the man, "They thaid it'd be a while before I can talk normally thince the juthu thut down thom nerveth and nothing'll tatht or thmell right till then"

"Right.." Iruka had to fight back his own cackles and turned to see Naruto come back with Hinata and Yuki on either side of him. However, he couldn't help but notice something was very off: Hinata was sporting a rather coy look, directed towards the blonde. Plus, for the first time since he could remember, she had relieved herself of her coat, revealing an impressive bust for her age.

Yuki had the same look, though her's seemed to say she was proud of herself for some reason. Of what he couldn't be too sure.

Naruto, however, appeared to have a rather glassy-eyed expression, as if he was under a genjutsu. At least, that seemed to be the case until Iruka saw the silly grin and faint trickle of blood from his nose.

"Um, Naruto? Are you all right?" He asked tenativly.

"Never better, Iruka-Sensei." He said in a somewhat dreamy tone, "Never better."

As the trio went by, Iruka spied an arm from each girl around his back, his own arms around both of their waists, _"That's...Well I'll be damned! And both of them too from the look of it. Attaboy Naruto! About time that kid finally got some lovin', in sterio to boot." _He cheered mentally while a chibi Iruka was yelling "Go Naruto! Go Naruto! Get busy! Get Busy!" in his head.

His chirpy disposition was sadly broken a few minutes later by an unpleasantly familiar voice calling out, "All right, Dead Last, I've let you have your fun long enough! Hand her over!"

Naruto growled, rightfully irked at his moment being ruined by the brooder and pissed at what he said, "Care to repeat that, Teme?"

"I said hand that girl over!" Sasuke demanded, pointed at Yuki, "She's strong enough to help me start rebuilding my clan." He reached over to pull her away from him only to have the blonde grab the offending limb.

Next thing Sasuke knew, he was sprawled on the ground with his own hand crammed in his mouth.

"Rule number one: Unless she makes it clear she wants you to, you never just up and grab at a girl." Nauto leaned over to look the brooder in the eye, "Rule number two: if I EVER hear or see you talk about a girl like she's a just a commodity, a fist in the mush will be he least of your worries." He looked up at the others around, "This goes for the rest of you as well."

"Naruto, you DO know what my mother is like, right?" Shikamaru replied, "I might as well go missing-nin if I pulled a stunt like that."

"Just making sure I get the point across." He gave the Uchiha a dirty look as the self-proclaimed avenger scrambled to his feet and extracted the offending item, trying to get the taste out, "Great, pretentious fudge-packer ruined the moment.."

"Well, you know we can fix that, Master." Yuki purred, putting her arms back where they were on him.

Hinata grinned and did the same thing, "I'll second that."

"Naruto? I believe I speak for everyone when I say: What the heck?" Shino piped up.

"Let's just say, Hinata managed to wake up her 'inner vixen'" The blonde replied as he walked back to the benches.

"_Again I say, LUCKY BASTARD!" _The bug user muttered to himself.

Iruka quickly cleared his throat to get everyone's attention, "Right, now that we're all back, let's finish the exam, shall we?"

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Whew! Thought I'd never get over my writer's block with this chapter. But at least now I can finally put an update.

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Sneak peek of a future chapter:

POW!

Hinata responded with a vigorous smack upside her cousin's head, "Get your head out of your ass, you narrow-minded douche! 'Hinata's fault. Hinata's fault.' That seems to be all you harp on! You don't think I miss Uncle Hizashi either!"

Neji's eyes widened. Hinata, his most timid relative, had just clocked him! "Hin.."

"No, you're gonna shut your hole, and you're gonna listen! I am sick and tired of all your bullshit! You think YOU could could handle a jounin when YOU were five! Well? Could you!"

"I..I don't know.." The older Hyuuga was too shocked to respond any other way.

"Oh really? Then what in the nine hells makes you think I could have! It's kinda hard to do much of anything when you're scared shitless!"

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